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"I Feel Trapped!" - How To Stop Emotional Co-Dependency

By Michael Weisz

 

Do you feel trapped? Do you feel like your life is going nowhere? Do you feel like your life has ended? Do you feel worthless if you don't give yourself entirely to others? Do you feel like you can't live with or without your BPD dear one?

These are signs of co-dependency.

The problem with this personality trait is that it makes one to make decisions that have significantly less benefits than what you give. A co-dependent person is usually giving a lot more than what they get in return.

Another important aspect that needs to be pointed out here is the fact that most co-dependent people either don't feel that they invest more than what they get in return, or that they don't know how to rebalance the giving and getting in the relationship.

In real life, many BPD sufferers are in relationships with co-dependent non-BPD life partners. The amount of love, care, attention, support the co-dependent is giving is never enough for the BPD person. Every once in a while the BPD suffering person feels satisfied, which many times is enough to the co-dependent individual to feel appreciated and to feel that they are getting something in return.

So why do co-dependent people stay in such unbalanced and emotionally depriving relationships? Because in their childhood years they probably had been faced with similar experiences from parents or siblings. They had to keep giving, like taking care of others, being the caretakers of their needy parents, while getting very little or nothing in return.

So people with co-dependent personality traits think that their reason to live is to take care of others no matter how big the personal costs, and whether they get something in return or not. Co-dependent people feel that they are only worthy for as long as they give. If they stop giving, they feel worthless, even if nobody is complaining about it!

For these reasons, co-dependent individuals tend to lose themselves in relationships, get exploited, and left deprived.  All these shortcomings eventually lead to feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, depression, worthlessness, low self-esteem and low confidence.

If you want to "un-trap" yourself, to free yourself, there are three key things that you need to integrate into your personality starting now...

The first thing is that others' feelings are NOT yours.

It is admirable to want to support and encourage your close ones, BUT being there for them every step of their ways is NOT your responsibility! They need to learn to handle their problems without having to always rely on you or others! They need to learn to stand on their feet, to grow up, and become responsible mature adults!

To make this happen you have to be stable and independent emotionally YOURSELF! You have to understand that you don't have to be responsible for everything that happens in other peoples' lives! As a matter of fact, you shouldn't take responsibility for others, even if they are dear people to you. Why? Because they will learn that:

  • They don't have to take responsibility for their actions and lives;

  • There is always somebody who pays for their damages;

  • Their negative actions and decisions are not as bad as you or others are telling them because you, by stepping in, are make those effects less damaging!

So, the bottom line is that it is okay that you want to help, we all need help every once in a while. Just don't go over the board with it. Teach them to catch the fish BUT don't give them the fish because they will never learn how to fish effectively! Take a step back and this time let them do the hard work. If they blame you for not helping them, tell them that you are not supposed to help them out in everything and they need to do things on their own!

The second thing that you need to do is to acknowledge your needs, your feelings, and your limits. This follows that you need to build your self-esteem.

In other words, you need to be aware of who you are, what your NATURAL (!!) physical and emotional needs are, and how much you can give and not get anything in return without feeling deprived! You need to know that YOU are a worthy person REGARDLESS what others told you or how your BPD dear ones are trying to manipulate you.

Two people have a healthy relationship when both acknowledge, respect, and fulfill each others' needs. In a healthy relationship there is a balance between giving and receiving!

I know, these things probably sound very unfamiliar to you and make you feel like you are on uncharted territories. If you feel this way it is because until now you probably haven't spent enough time with at least one person who knows what a healthy, balanced, harmonious relationship is.

Also, you can't expect the BPD to meet your needs if you are not aware of them, can you? 

So start working on developing your sense of value, on becoming totally aware of who you are as a human, and what your natural and normal needs are!

Thirdly, start making your own decisions on things that are concerning you only.

You need to develop your emotional independency as well as your decision-making skills AND power! You will find soon that having a certain amount of independency and reaching certain decisions on your own is NOT a crime, but actually a healthy thing to do! A relationship is a partnership in which two UNIQUE (!!) people are having a life in common. This means that you and your BPD loved one need to have a certain physical and emotional independency and freedom in order to build and have a healthy relationship.

Knowing how to do all these things need more specific guidance. In 'End The Borderline Chaos' I have covered everything that you need to know in order to stop co-dependency, to know how to take care of yourself, how to heal your emotional wounds, and how to guide your BPD dear person to change.

Get Everything HERE!

  • Video Presentation
  • Understand The BPD Mind
  • Learn To Do And Say The Right Things
  • Heal Yourself
  • Induce Change In The BPD Person
  • Learn To Handle Every Situation
  • Build A Happy And Harmonious Relationship

Recommended Articles
Misery In Two - How Your BPD Loved One Influences Your Emotions

"He/She Needs To Change!" - How To Induce BPD Sufferers To Change

"Why Do I Have To Always Explain Myself?" - How To Deal With Chronic Distrust

How To Tell Them That They Have Borderline Personality?

Feeling Apprehensive About The Next Mood Swing Or Angry Outburst?

"I'm At My Wits End" - How To Gain Hope Back By Doing Things Differently


 

 


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