"I Feel Trapped!" - How To Stop Being Co-Dependent
By Michael Weisz
Do you feel trapped? Do you
feel that your life is going nowhere? Do you feel
like you life has ended? Do you feel worthless if
you don't dedicate yourself to others? Do you feel
you can't live with your BPD dear one person with or
All these symptoms of
Co-dependency isn't a mental
disorder per se as it brings certain advantages or
benefits to the dependent person.
The problem however is that the
benefits are significantly smaller than the "costs".
The co-dependent person invests emotionally and
personally a lot more than the benefits.
Another important aspect we
need to point out here is that most co-dependent
people either don't feel that they invest more than
what they get in return, or they don't know how to
balance the relationship in a way that the benefits
and the rewards balance the things you bring into
In a nutshell, the co-dependent
person usually gives more than what they get in
In real life, many BPD
sufferers have co-dependent non-BPD life partners.
The amount of love, care, attention, support the
co-dependent gives is never enough for the BPD.
However, those few times when the BPD feels content
is enough for the co-dependent to feel appreciated
and that they get something in return.
So why do co-dependent people
stay in such unbalanced, emotionally depriving
Because in their childhood
years they probably had to go through the same
experience with their parents or siblings. They had
to keep giving, like taking care of others, being
the adult caretakers of their needy parents, without
getting anything in return.
So they learned that their
reason to live is to take care of others no matter
how big the personal costs and whether they get
something in return or not. Co-dependent people feel
that they are worthy as long as they give.
For these reasons, co-dependent
people tend to lose themselves in relationships, get
exploited, are left deprived, depressed, have low
self-esteem, and all these lead eventually to
feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.
If you want to "un-trap"
yourself, to turn yourself from a dependent slave
into a content person, here are three key things you
need to integrate into your personality starting
The first thing you need to
realize is that others' feelings are NOT yours.
It's NOT your responsibility to
be there for your BPD loved person every step of
their way! They need to learn how to solve their own
problems without having to always rely on you or
But in order to make this
happen you need to detach yourself emotionally and
realize that you are NOT responsible for everything
that happen in others' lives!
The second thing is you need to
acknowledge your needs, thoughts, feelings, and
limits. This means you need to build your
In other words, you need to
become aware of who you are, what your NATURAL (!!)
physical and emotional needs are, and how much you
can give without getting anything in return without
Two people have a relationship
when both acknowledge, respect, and fulfill the
other one's needs. In a healthy relationship there
is a balance between giving and receiving!
I know, these things probably
sound very unfamiliar to you and make you feel like
you are on uncharted territories. If you feel this
way it's because until now you probably haven't
spent enough time with at least one person that
knows what a healthy, balanced, harmonious
Also, you can't expect the BPD
to meet your needs if you aren't aware of them in
the first place!
So start working on your sense
of value, on becoming totally aware of who you are,
and what your natural needs are!
Third, start making your own
decisions on things that concern you only.
You need to develop your sense
of emotional independency as well as the mental and
decision skills to do it! You'll soon find out that
having a certain independency and reaching certain
decisions on your own is NOT a crime, but actually a
healthy thing to do! A relationship is a partnership
in which two individual (!!) people have a life in
common. This means that you and your BPD loved one
need to have a certain physical and emotional
independency in order to have a healthy
Learning how to do all these
things need a bit more guidance and involve other
important details. In 'End The Borderline Chaos'
I have covered everything you need to know in order
to stop being co-dependent, to know how to take care
of yourself, how to heal your own emotional wounds,
and induce the BPD to change.
Get everything here!